The Tangled Curtain
by OneDozenDogEggs
Summary: A visit to Asgard with Thor accidentally sends Black Widow into a strange dimension of trials, and the only help she can get is from everyone's favorite Monday-hating orange tabby Garfield & his friends! Features TG magical transformation.
1. Chapter 1

ASGARD. PRESENT DAY

"Oh, good, finally someplace safe," asked Black Widow, stepping out of Heimdall's rainbow portal sexily. "Thor, what was all that fire and death?"

The depressingly beautiful thunder god grimaced.

"My apologies, fair Widow. Our journey to Asgard was to be simple, yet we were redirected momentarily to Muspelheim, the realm of Surtur the Fire Demon. I shall have words with Heimdall about this matter, for I know not how or why that might have occurred."

"Well, whatever, we're here safely now," replied the busty redhead, adjusting the zipper on the front of her skin-tight bodysuit. How the suit ever got on or off of her was one of the Avengers' greatest and best-kept secrets.

"A moment's delay I beg of thee, Natasha," said Thor. "I shall discuss matters with Heimdall, and we shall proceed to the Feasting Hall after."

He did not wait for her to agree but stepped aside into Heimdall's chamber, the starlight glinting off his silky blonde hair like some sort of sexy hubcap, polished to utter brilliance.

"Greetings, my prince," said the portal guardian, addressing the Odinson. "And my apologies for the events earlier. There is some powerful and bizarre magic afoot, interfering with the very curtain between worlds itself."

"'Tis powerful magic indeed, if it can alter the powers of the great Heimdall!" mused Thor. "Make certain to inform those who may research this, my good man. The Widow and I are off to the feast."

"Wait, Thor?" asked Black Widow, with a sour look. She was still super sexy, though. "Isn't this something we should figure out before we oh, I don't know, try to use magic portals that can literally throw us into Hell again?"

"Nay, fair Widow," said Thor with a seductive chuckle, walking towards the fantastic city. "These matters are best left to those with the gifts to understand them. Now let us make great haste, lest Volstagg drain all the mead before we arrive!"

With an apologetic and sexy shrug toward Heimdall, Black Widow turned and hurried after Thor, her high-heeled SHIELD-issued boots making almost no sound on the rainbow bridge.

MUNCIE, INDIANA. 1991 CE

"Ugh, what day is it?" thought the fat orange tabby, rolling over in his little red cat box. He took hold of the page a day calendar and reviewed the day of the week, "Oh, no, it can't be Monday again! We just had one of those last week. I hate Mondays!"

"Oh, Garfield!" sang out his sweater vest-clad owner. "I've got a surprise for you!"

"If it's not a nap, you can keep it," thought Garfield in response.

"I knew you'd be excited," said Jon, dropping a heavy box on the counter next to Garfield's bed. It had strange, indecipherable writing, and what appeared to be a drawing of a microwave on it. "Well, aren't you going to ask me what's inside the box?"

"No," thought Garfield, pulling his blue blanket over his head. "It's too early for this. And by 'too early' I mean 'before dinner.'"

"Well, I'll tell you," said Jon, with a ridiculous grin. "After I take a shower, that is. It was not easy to get this thing from the dump, and I'm filthy and exhausted. I'll set it up in the kitchen. You can have the box. Cats love playing in boxes, right?"

"Fat chance of that," thought Garfield. "But good riddance to Jon. Finally, some peace and quiet."

He went to sleep but was disturbed by a loud panting a moment later.

"What's going on?" he mused, looking up out of his blanket. The cream-colored dog Odie was inspecting the box with gusto.

"How can breathing be so loud and obnoxious?" thought Garfield, angrily. "It's a cardboard box, not a fire hydrant, you dumb dog."

"Bark!" replied Odie, licking Garfield happily with his giant tongue.

"YEECCHH!" was the cat's reply, and he wiped himself off with the blanket, wringing out a pint of slobber into the cat bed.

"Well, I guess I'll have to find someplace else to nap," he thought, wandering to another section of the counter and curling up.

He had been there only a few moments before a sudden and horrible, otherworldly shrieking caused him to jump into the air. He landed flat on his face with a big splat coming out.

"Ugh, I hate when Jon sings in the shower," he thought, plugging his ears until the noise abated. "Can this day get any worse?"

He crept back towards his bed to see if it had maybe dried out. He was leaning over the edge when he was startled again.

"Hi, Garfield!" thought a cute kitten, poking his head out of the box behind. Garfield leapt into the air again, crashing down. He spun around in anger, glaring at the box.

"Oh, Garfield," said Jon, walking into the room with a towel wrapped around his waist. "I forgot to mention that Nermal is coming over. Oh, I see you found him!"

"Unfortunately," thought Garfield. Nermal pounced in and out of the box playfully.

"I wanted to ask if any of you heard that awful shrieking?" said Jon. "At first I thought I had left the radio on to my favorite yodeling program, but after a few moments, it was obvious that it wasn't that."

"Wait, I thought it was your singing?" thought Garfield, in confusion.

"I think it came from that new arcane microwave I got at the swap meet," said Jon. "Why don't we go have a look?"

"We may as well. Nothing can make this day worse," thought Garfield, as they all followed Jon into the kitchen.

Inside, the strange purple device seemed to be pulsating, and emanating strange magical energies.

"Hmm, I'll go get the manual," said Jon.

"That looks scary, Garfield!" thought Nermal.

"Not half as scary as the sweaters Jon wears on blind dates," thought Garfield, pulling a frozen lasagna out of the freezer. "I don't care. The real test is how this thing can cook a lasagna."

He slipped the cheesy meal inside and pressed a bunch of buttons. They were all marked in some unknown ancient language.

"Uh, Garfield," said Jon, looking up from the manual. "I think that you might want to be careful before using this."

It was too late. The device activated, and a swirling purple energy grew out from it, dragging them all screaming into an otherworldly abyss.

A moment later, the kitchen stood silent and empty.


	2. Chapter 2

ASGARD. PRESENT DAY.

"Loki!" cried Thor, rising to his feet and overthrowing the massive banquet table.

His brother's spectral form grinned maliciously.

"Greetings, brother, from beyond this realm," his sneering voice echoed creepily throughout the hall.

"Thor! I thought you said he was imprisoned in Valhalla!" said the beauteous Lady Sif, scowling, but still being super attractive.

"This is impossible!" said Thor, calling his mystical hammer Mjolnir to his hand.

"But nothing the Warriors Three can't handle!" cried Volstagg, seizing his axe from the air. Fandral had slipped to the weapons rack and tossed weapons to them all. Black Widow politely wiped her mouth with a silk napkin and pushed her dishes back while the others postured. Her gun and Widow's Bite were charged and ready to deploy at her whim.

"How fitting that you're all so ready to assist my dear brother," smirked Loki, his grin unending. "For that is just such the challenge I've arranged for you all to face."

"What manner of treachery is this, brother?" demanded Thor, brandishing Mjolnir fiercely at the vision before them.

"Perhaps you remember the lesson on Ancient Treachery we both took as boys? The one you failed utterly because you were so fixated on horseplay with your friends?" sneered Loki.

The others looked to Thor. He frowned.

"Nay. Speak directly!"

"Of course. I am accustomed to explaining everything to you, my dear, simple brother," said Loki, grinning smirkily. "With this spell, I will banish you to another dimension – a trial dimension, where you will face 4 challenges, each drawn from your own psyche to test you. Your friends' aid will be necessary, for this trial requires you to rely on them in ways that you have likely never seen before."

"We shall defeat any challenge you throw at us, cur," taunted Hogun. "We have before, and we shall again."

"Hmm, we shall see," smirked Loki. "Observe."

Black Widow stepped aside as a strange artifact appeared in the air on the table before her. Thor seized it as soon as it manifested.

"A horn?"

"Indeed, brother. You will use the horn to summon the essences of your friends to you in the trial dimension. Select them carefully, for they will be joined to you in turn."

"I've seen a horn like this before," said Sif, taking the horn from Thor and turning it over in her soft but very girl warrior hands. "He isn't lying about how it works."

"Then he is lying about something else!" cried Volstagg.

Loki smirked.

"Am I?"

There was thunderclap, and a strange purple swirl began to grow in the center of the room.

"Farewell, brother," said Loki, with a sneer. "No, wait! This is not right! What's happening?"

"Thor?" said Black Widow, feeling her attractive self dematerialize. She was being pulled into the swirl. "Someone, help!"

Thor was already diving across the hall. In a flash, he secured his friend's hand, and held her tightly. He pulled her back from the swirl, but it was getting stronger, and he could feel her disappearing.

"We can't keep her from going in, but we can help her inside," said Sif. "The horn! She needs the horn!"

Thor nodded and Sif tossed him the horn. Thor looked Black Widow's outfit up and down, and all its tight pockets and zippers, deciding the only way to get it to her was to stuff the horn into her exposed cleavage. It was not a moment too soon, for she was immediately sucked into the purple swirl and vanished from view.

"This is disastrous," said Loki, sneering with disappointment. "How can such a spell, er, miss?"

"Heimdall mentioned a bizarre magic at work this day," offered Thor. "Interfering with the curtain between realms."

"Disgusting," sneered Loki. "I have no use for that woman. Why does everything involving you become ruined? What a bother. I've wasted years on this spell only to have it foiled by a simple magical flux? Goodbye, you plebian fools. I will be back somehow. Count on that!"

With a flourish, his vision disappeared.

"Well, then. Now what?" asked Volstagg.

"We ready ourselves to help the Widow," said Sif. "I bound us four to the horn. When she calls, we will be joined to her in the trial dimension, body and soul. She will be able to summon one of us at a time to aid her in each of the challenges. It will be difficult but we must do what we can to help her escape."

"Thank you, my friend," said Thor, looking sad and also very handsome. "She was my guest, and I intended to share a sumptuous feast with her in celebration of our latest Midgard victory, but instead she has been cast into a personal hell from which there may be no escape. I am greatly embarrassed."

"Of course," said the others.

Time passed.

"How long is this going to take?"

"Does she know how to use it?"

"It's as simple as blowing into it."

"Then why hasn't she summoned us already?"

"If it's going to be a while, I say let's eat. Wench! More meat and ale!"


	3. Chapter 3

TRIAL DIMENSION. OUTSIDE OF TIME.

The swirl unswirled, dropping the sexy woman in the black body-suit onto a strange, floored void. She rose carefully, and extracted the magic horn from between her boobs.

"OK, fine. I'm here. Challenges. Trials. Ugh. Why does this always happen on a Monday?" she murmured to herself.

She looked around and there was no one and nothing but void.

"Is anyone there?" she called.

"A SUPPLICANT," came a voice from nowhere. "SUMMON YOUR ASSISTANTS WITH THE HORN. THEY SHALL BE JOINED TO YOU IN MIND AND IN PERSON, AND YOU SHALL SELECT ONE TO AID YOU IN EACH CHALLENGE. ALL MAY ADVISE, BUT ONLY ONE MAY BE SUMMONED FOR EACH CHALLENGE."

"Fine, I have my helpers selected," said Black Widow. "Do I just blow the horn?"

There was no response.

"I guess I try to picture them," she said, thinking of the Warriors Three, Sif, and Thor. She blew the horn.

There was a swirl of magical energy again, and a screaming man, dog, and two cats fell out into the void with her.

"Wait, no, this isn't who I wanted," said Black Widow.

"YOUR ASSISTANTS HAVE BEEN SELECTED," said the voice. "THE TRIALS BEGIN!"

"Thank you for rescuing us, nice lady!" thought Nermal, rubbing against Black Widow's leg and purring.

"Bark!" said Odie, licking her as she petted his head.

"I don't really know what happened, but we've been trapped in here for what seems like years," said Jon, rubbing his neck. "What is this place? Who are you?"

"I was hoping you would have those answers for me. I guess we're going to have to figure it out together," said Black Widow, with a crooked smile on her red lips.

Before anyone could say anything else, they were raised up in another swirl together and dematerialized. A moment or an eternity passed, and Black Widow found herself sitting in an Eastern European café in a fancy designer dress and heels.

"Where is this place?" thought Jon. She heard him in her head.

"Eastern Europe," she thought in response. "A Café."

"Why are we here? Why are we in your head? I'm scared," thought Nermal.

"I'm trying to remember," thought Black Widow. "This is from my past. A difficult moment. Something went wrong."

"Was it a Monday?" thought Garfield.

"I think so,"

"I knew it! I hate Mondays."

"Bark," thought Odie.

"I remember now," thought Black Widow. "I needed to get some information out of this difficult informant. I was instructed to seduce him, but I couldn't crack him. It was very embarrassing, and also I was shot."

"So one of us is supposed to help you?" thought Nermal. "I'm just a kitten! I don't want to get shot. Can someone else do it, please?"

"I hate Mondays," thought Garfield.

"Bark!" thought Odie.

"I have to pick one of you," thought Black Widow.

"Say no more, little lady," thought Jon. "It takes a man to know what a man likes. I can definitely help seduce the pants off of him."

"That doesn't sound promising, but I don't really have a choice, do I?"

"Yes!" thought Jon.

"Very well, I will go with Jon," she thought. "Time to do this."

She raised the horn high into the air. There was a thunderclap, and magical energy swirled around her. She shouted.

"By the power of Odin, I summon the power of JON ARBUCKLE!"

With a mighty flash of lights, Jon assumed control of her. She grew slightly taller and thinner, and her ankles developed argyle socks to go with her high heels. The lights faded and she looked around.

"This is, uh, interesting," said Jon, with her voice. "But I will do my best, or my name isn't Jon Q. – er, Natasha Ro- oh wait, I'm a secret agent. I need a fake name. Uh, my fake name is… Suzie Q. Arbuckle. Yeah!"

"Jon on a blind date? Even as a beautiful woman this is going to be a disaster," thought Garfield.

"I think he looks cute in those socks!" thought Nermal.

"Bark!" thought Odie.

After a few minutes the man showed up.

"Suzie Q., a pleasure to meet you," he said, taking her hand and kissing it. "You look lovely, especially with those, er, socks."

"Charmed, I'm sure," said Jon, sitting down again across from him. "These are my favorite pair, minister Anton."

"Well, I am pleased to be discussing things with such a lovely lady as yourself. Especially when it comes to the matter of the-" he looked around suspiciously. "The Hitomi Protocols."

"Oh, of course," said Jon. "We wouldn't be here, talking together, about things like that, without sharing a mutual attraction to the same subject."

"Hmm, what subject did you have in mind?" asked Anton.

"Argyle, to be precise," said Jon, pulling out a scrapbook of sock photos.

"Is this a bizarre metaphor- no, nevermind. Please explain?"

Jon proceeded at length to explain the differences in various sock and sweater patterns, list the various major producers and manufacturers of argyle, the popularity of various patterns over time, and more. Anton's head drooped lower and lower.

"…and this double diamond pattern was not truly in vogue until the mid – minister Anton? Are you sleeping?"

Anton had dropped down onto the table, soundly asleep, and snoring loudly into his soup.

"Who needs to seduce him now?" thought Black Widow. "Take the documents from his coat and add a drug to his soup. The rest will be child's play."

Jon followed her commands with her practiced ease.

"EXCELLENT WORK, SUPPLICANT," came the voice.

"Yes, that went far better than I imagined," thought Black Widow.

"NOW A PHYSICAL AND PSYCHOLOGICAL CHALLENGE APPROACHES. SELECT YOUR NEXT ASSISTANT."

"Psychological? I'm scared again!" thought Nermal.

"It's still Monday, right? Count me out," thought Garfield.

"Bark!" said Odie, with unusual enthusiasm.

"Well, a dog is as good a bet as any, I suppose," thought Black Widow. "I choose the simple minded Odie."

She raised the horn high into the air. There was a thunderclap, and magical energy swirled around her. She shouted.

"By the power of Odin, I summon the power of ODIE!"

There was a thunderclap and Odie assumed control of her. She resumed her natural shape and size, her socks disappeared, but her tongue more than quadrupled in size, and she began to drool.

"Bark," said Odie, with her voice.

She looked around, for any challenge, but the only thing that caught her eye was a fire hydrant up the narrow Eastern European street. She slipped the sensitive documents from Anton into a pocket in her dress, and trotted towards the fire hydrant to investigate.

Suddenly, a dark shadow fell over her, and a hideous black figure descended from the rooftop. Before she could evade it, some sticky black webbing affixed itself to her arms pinning them to her sides, and the face of Venom rose into her field of view. He seized her tightly.

"We are vigilant," he said, his long tongue running up and down his numerous sharp teeth running up and down his hideous mouth. "We have observed your crimes, and will devour your brain as your punishment, and as a tasty snack for us."

"OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD," thought Nermal, panicking.

"I want to go back to bed right now!" thought Garfield.

"Why can't I faint? Just let me faint!" thought Jon.

Odie blinked, panted, and let out her huge tongue, licking Venom in the face with a tremendous, slow-motion, slobbery assault.

"BLLAARRGGH!" cried Venom, jerking back. "We never realized how disgusting that truly is! BLECCH!"

With a few more screams of disgust, Venom fled, off in search of a good shower.

"Amazing, what a good dog," thought Black Widow.

"Bark!" said Odie, relinquishing control.

"That was fantastic, Odie!" thought Nermal. "You handled it in the cutest way possible! I'd give you a kitten high five if I could!"

"Ugh, I'd rather face Venom again than have to listen to Nermal any longer," thought Garfield.

"Garfield, behave," said Jon. "We have still two more challenges in the trial, and you're going to have to do one of them."

"EXCELLENT WORK, SUPPLICANT," said the voice. "THE NEXT CHALLENGE REQUIRES INACTION."

"Come to papa," thought Garfield.


	4. Chapter 4

ASGARD. PRESENT DAY.

"We've been waiting for hours," said Fandral, stroking his mustache. "Are you sure that's how it works?"

"I'm certain," said Lady Sif, sharpening her sword gracefully.

"I'm not complaining," said Volstagg, downing yet another flagon of mead. "I will valiantly wait for the lady Widow as long as waiting is the valiance she requires."

"I am unsure valiance is a word, good friend, but I do have an idea," said Hogun, who had not eaten anything. "Perhaps, the Black Widow summoned some other friends to help her."

"Impossible, I made sure to bind the horn to us," said Sif.

"Perhaps that strange magic Heimdall spoke of has interfered yet again," said Thor. "Causing the wrong assistants to be summoned?"

"If that's the case, who knows what happened to her?" asked Sif.

"I will seek answers. Remain here until I return," said Thor, summoning Mjolnir.

"Where are you going?" asked Sif.

"The Midgard city of New York, to seek one who knows of these things."

TRIAL DIMENSION. OUTSIDE OF TIME.

Garfield's challenge was nearing completion. As Black Widow, she became shorter, much fatter, hairier, and her hair had turned orange. She was sleeping, curled up in a corner as numerous seemingly urgent scenarios appeared just outside.

"Amazing! How can he do it?" thought Jon as he watched Hawkeye be brutally murdered by falling onto a spike trap he didn't see and could easily have been warned about.

"Garfield really can ignore everything!" thought Nermal. "He's so lazy!"

She continued sleeping as a baby fell out a window and a truck crashed into a defenseless cow, and money went spilling everywhere. A riot broke out, and the local police obviously needed help.

"So good, Garfield!" shouted Nermal. "You're doing great! Paw power!"

"Ugh, no! Shut up, you annoying kitten!" said Garfield, rousing.

"EXCELLENT WORK, SUPPLICANT," said the voice. "THE NEXT CHALLENGE REQUIRES A DISPLAY OF AGILITY, PLAYFULNESS, YARN-HANDLING PROWESS…"

The voice droned on, listing more and more items that were seemingly more and more specific to Nermal.

"Wow, this is fantastic! I can do this!" thought Nermal.

"How lucky that she waited to choose Nermal until the end," thought Jon.

"No! I won't let that annoying little twerp save the day," said Garfield, rising from her slumber and rushing out the door.

"Garfield? What are you doing?" thought Jon. "The challenge! You need to let Nermal take over next."

"Oh, I will," said Garfield, with a sneer on Black Widow's lips, "Just wait and see."

She headed to the train station and bought a ticket to Abu Dhabi.

"GARFIELD!" rang Jon's thoughts inside Black Widow's head.

"All yours, kid," said Garfield, finally relinquishing control, as the train rolled out of the station.

"Garfield! How dare you ruin this!" said Black Widow. "I don't know what happens if we can't win! We might all be killed!"

"Lady, I had to spend what seems like an eternity with that stupid kitten in the void, and I hate him with all my lazy soul. Death would be too good."

"Well, I can't do anything without selecting an assistant, damn you, stupid cat. I select Nermal for my last assistant."

She raised the horn high into the air. There was a thunderclap, and magical energy swirled around her. She shouted.

"By the power of Odin, I summon the power of NERMAL!"

There was a thunderclap, a flash of lights, and Nermal took control of her. She became shorter, her eyes slightly larger, and her face poutier. She was now wearing her gray bodysuit.

"OK, all right, it's me," said Nermal with her voice, only cuter. "How do I get out of this mess Garfield made?"

Using her spy savvy, she quickly spotted the quickest way out of the train car and various items that could be used as weapons, and a components to create a powerful explosive. She disregarded them all and hurried over to the train conductor.

"Hi Mister Train man, would you please stop the train?" she asked.

"Uh, hi little girl, no, we can't do that," said the conductor.

"Please?" she asked, batting her eyes.

"Uh, n-no, we really can't," he said.

"Pretty please?" she asked, her eyes somehow becoming larger and sadder.

He struggled with himself for a moment.

"OK, yes, I'll stop the train," he said. "Just don't cry."

He pulled hard on the emergency stop, causing the entire train to come to a crashing halt.

"Thank you," said Nermal, skipping out the broken door.

She looked around, spying a flyer for the Yarn contest. "Hooray! The hard part is done. Now I just need a ride into town before that contest is over."

ASGARD. PRESENT DAY.

"Is there anything you can see, Stephen?"

The Sorcerer Supreme continued his spells, and cast one final vision spell.

"Indeed I can, my old friend," he said. "Something has tangled the curtain between worlds, confusing all inter-world activities."

"Something, or someone?" asked Thor, gripping his hammer.

"Some thing," said Dr. Strange, reassuringly. "Think of it like an otherworldly breeze, which has tangled the unsecured curtains. I think with enough time I can restore order to the curtain, but in the meanwhile, I will need to determine what other world is entangled with Asgard."

"Can you do that?"

"Certainly. Give me but a few moments."

They stood back to let the Sorcerer wave his hands around some more. It was not long before he exclaimed one of his popular catchphrases.

"By the all-seeing eye of Agamotto, I know now what world is in play."

"Is there a way to extract the Black Widow?"

"Perhaps. It appears she's involved with a very important person from that world."

"Who?"

"The Odieson."

"Another version of Thor?"

"Not precisely. But with a father just as powerful. I think if I can reach him, we can ask him for help. I'll need some assistance gathering reagents for my spell."

"Say only the item's name and it is yours," pledged the Asgardians.


	5. Chapter 5

TRIAL DIMENSION. OUTSIDE OF TIME.

A purple swirl opened up above Nermal, riding in the sidecar of a kind motorist's motorcycle.

"Oh? But I haven't completed the trial yet?"

"WHAT IS THIS INTRUSION?" asked the voice.

"BARK BARK BARK" came a voice from the other side. A large, slobbery, deity-sized tongue emerged from the purple swirl, and enveloped Nermal, pulling her up and out.

"Where are we going?" they all screamed in Black Widow's head.

ASGARD. PRESENT DAY.

The purple swirl reappeared, and after a few moments, tossed a very normal looking Black Widow out onto the table.

"Welcome back, friend!" said Thor, clapping her heartily on her attractive, body-suit clad back. The others applauded.

"Thanks, Thor. And don't take it personally, but I am never coming to dinner here again," she said.

"Well said, friend Widow," said Lady Sif, with a smile.

"Thank our good friend Doctor Strange for his assistance in retrieving you," said Thor.

"It was my pleasure," said the Sorcerer Supreme. "I had always wanted the opportunity to speak to the Odiefather, and I think he's appreciative of our help rescuing his son. With his assistance, we've straightened out the kinks in the world curtains, but with one little wrinkle that should keep both that irksome lazy cat and your brother out of our hair for a while."

VALHALLA PRISON. PRESENT DAY.

A fat, hairy, orange-haired Loki sits in his bed.

"I'll have to find a way to get out of here and get revenge on my brother," he thought to himself. "But, ugh, I truly despise Mondays!"

He pulls the blue blanket over his head and returns to sleep.


End file.
